“50 First Dates” Rewatch: An Unforgettable Tropical Romance

🍍 Our rom-com recap this week is “50 First Dates,” featuring Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. This 2004 film is on EVERY classic rom-com list and while we enjoy parts of Lucy and Henry’s love story, there are some problematic tropes that haven’t aged well 👀 Join us as we discuss all the good and bad of “50 First Dates” 🌺🌴🥥

This film is set in Hawaii, but let's respect the locals that are asking for less tourism…by staying home and watching movies about Hawaii with us instead! 😘

🎬 Watch “50 First Dates” on Freeform 

🎧 #songrec to pair with “50 First Dates”: First Date by Blink 182. Check out our #songsfromthepod playlist on Spotify and YouTube! 

💕 Join the club! Follow us on social media @lovebugclubpod  

Transcript

00;00;11;13 - 00;00;13;20

Hadley

Welcome to this week's episode of the Lovebug Club.

00;00;13;21 - 00;00;15;22

Sarah

I'm Sarah.

00;00;15;23 - 00;00;33;02

Hadley

And I'm Hadley. Today we'll take a look at 50 First Dates, the 2004 film starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. Join us in Hawaii as Henry tries to woo Lucy, despite the fact that each day she doesn't remember that she's met him before. They have to navigate falling in love with a different set of obstacles than most couples. So let's see how they overcome that. 

00;00;38;15 - 00;00;47;06

Sarah

So I want to start this off by acknowledging that Hawaii is a really popular tourist destination. But please, don't go to Hawaii right now or anytime soon.

00;00;47;13 - 00;00;48;13

Hadley

Wait. Why not?

00;00;48;18 - 00;00;57;01

Sarah

The pandemic caused a massive surge in tourism there, which has damaged the islands and made some resources inaccessible to residents.

00;00;57;12 - 00;01;01;12

Hadley

Oh, my gosh. I had no idea about that. Weren’t you thinking about moving there?

00;01;01;13 - 00;01;10;06

Sarah

Yeah. So early in the pandemic, I was looking into moving to Hawaii like everyone else. And I'm so grateful that I learned about this before making that decision.

00;01;10;13 - 00;01;25;07

Hadley

I had no idea. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, so it's good to know that I should hold off on that plan for right now. It's amazing how important it is to research where you go before you go on vacation, just so you can be considerate of the locals. And the places you're going to visit.

00;01;25;15 - 00;01;33;01

Sarah

So while we're all waiting to visit in person, let's appreciate the beauty of Hawaii from afar by talking about 50 First Dates.

00;01;33;11 - 00;01;54;10

Hadley

So we open with all of these women recollecting their amazing week in Hawaii with this amazing guy, Henry Roth. And we also have Kevin James talking about him, which I think is hilarious because I don't watch a lot of Adam Sandler movies, but I do know he and Kevin James do a lot of work together.

00;01;54;20 - 00;02;03;26

Sarah

It's interesting that they opened this movie with the idea that he slept with Kevin James, because later he turns down Alexa.

00;02;03;26 - 00;02;14;02

Hadley

So the way he responds later saying that he doesn't sleep with men, that confused me. And then I started to wonder, maybe did he just hang out with Kevin James for a week?

00;02;14;07 - 00;02;35;07

Sarah

Yeah, but they are implying that he slept with him since he slept with all these women that are talking about him. 

Hadley

Yeah, true. 

Sarah

So just seems a little weird that he'd sleep with an actual man, but he would turn down a woman because she's too manly? All these gorgeous, gorgeous girls talking about how they all have vacation flings with Adam Sandler's character.

00;02;35;18 - 00;02;54;22

Sarah

I don't understand how he pulls all of these women. Like, if there was one thing I could change about this movie, it would be Adam Sandler. I just don't understand the appeal of him. Like, am I just gay? Like, is anyone interested in Adam Sandler as a romantic lead?

00;02;55;16 - 00;03;24;00

Hadley

I think the idea might be that he's able to put on a personality that really attracts these women, and he seems to tailor it to each woman, as opposed to him being like a sex icon. Because I do not think that that term applies to Adam Sandler personally, but I do think with the way he is acting later towards Lucy, I can kind of see how he can make himself attractive to people personality-wise.

00;03;24;01 - 00;03;50;03

Sarah

Yeah, I think he's charismatic, but he's using them. He gets them into bed and then he pulls rug out from under them instead of being honest from the get-go about just wanting something casual and letting everyone consent to that. I think vacation flings are fine as long as everyone involved knows exactly what it is and isn't thinking that it's going to be something different than what it is.

00;03;50;14 - 00;03;57;04

Hadley

Do you think these women thought it would be something different? It seemed like I met this really great guy, but it wasn't going to work out.

00;03;57;14 - 00;04;18;00

Sarah

I think he led them on and then I was like, Sorry, this can't go anywhere because I'm a spy. And he could have just been like, Hey, do you want to casually have sex with me where it won't go anywhere? And just enjoy each other. And they could have been like, Yeah, that sounds great. But instead he's lying to them and not even giving them that chance to make that decision.

00;04;18;05 - 00;04;28;13

Hadley

I do think, at least back in 2004 and with a lot of women still, if you're like, Hey, do you want to have some casual sex? I feel like so many people would respond like, No, I'm not that kind of person.

00;04;28;29 - 00;04;39;25

Sarah

Yeah, that's annoying that like, society has made us feel like casual sex is not okay and that you'll be like, shamed for having it. Especially as a woman.

00;04;40;03 - 00;04;46;22

Hadley

I was going to say it's not okay for women, but men can do whatever, whatever they want. And society just calls them a playboy.

00;04;46;24 - 00;05;07;17

Sarah

Yeah, exactly. He should maybe look into ethical non-monogamy because it is possible to have casual sex and be respectful and considerate and not lie and use people. It can be a mutually beneficial situation where everyone has a good time and no one is being deceived.

00;05;07;18 - 00;05;10;27

Hadley

It's too bad we can't go back to 2004 and tell them know what we know now.

00;05;11;03 - 00;05;16;13

Sarah

Yeah, for real. Okay, my next note is about Rob Schneider being problematic.

00;05;16;23 - 00;05;17;18

Hadley

Oh, yes.

00;05;17;19 - 00;05;29;17

Sarah

Pretty sure it's problematic that they cast Rob Schneider to play a native Hawaiian character. I don't feel that Rob Schneider adds anything special to this character that someone else couldn't do.

00;05;29;20 - 00;05;40;14

Hadley

Almost every scene that Ula pops up in, I have written that he is very problematic. Also, I was not a fan of the way he talks about his wife in front of their children.

00;05;40;29 - 00;05;45;02

Sarah

Uh yeah, that was messed up, very misogynistic and gross.

00;05;45;15 - 00;05;49;14

Hadley

So my next note is about…

Sarah

The pillow?

Hadley

It's around the pillow time.

00;05;49;18 - 00;05;54;15

Sarah

The dirty foot on the pillow. I lost my mind. I would cry.

00;05;54;19 - 00;06;03;26

Hadley

Same, I was so upset about that. And then he sat on the pillow. You know it's there. Why are you sitting on somebody's pillow after you just put your dirty foot all over it? There's a whole couch.

00;06;03;27 - 00;06;19;21

Sarah

It's bad enough that Margot in To All the Boys put her dirty shoes, underwear, a jeans, blanket where you couldn't see the dirt, but this guy just sticks his dirty foot on the pillow. I was like, throw the whole pillow out. I need a new pillow. Yeah.

00;06;20;12 - 00;06;25;09

Hadley

I loved all the animals in this movie. I do love the penguin, Willie.

00;06;25;09 - 00;06;28;01

Sarah

And Jocko, the walrus is so cute, too.

00;06;28;09 - 00;06;37;25

Hadley

And I know there's the whole SeaWorld issue, but Adam Sandler did point out at the very end, he's like, well, you can't go back into the wild. You've been raised here. You won't be able to fend for yourself.

00;06;37;25 - 00;07;03;27

Sarah

Yeah, I feel pretty conflicted about SeaWorld and zoos because, of course, it's better for wild animals to live in the wild. That's a much healthier environment for them instead of being in cages. But there also are a lot of animals that get injured and are then taken to those places that wouldn't survive if they were placed back into nature.

00;07;04;00 - 00;07;09;14

Hadley

Right. And certain zoos have even helped repopulate certain animal populations in the wild.

00;07;09;16 - 00;07;16;27

Sarah

Yeah, they're definitely problematic, but I think there's a lot of good that they can do also.

00;07;17;05 - 00;07;33;10

Hadley

I think so, too. I think it depends on how the operation is run. If you're taking in animals to rehabilitate them or you're taking in ones that can't live in the wild anymore, that's one thing. If you're running out and taking animals from the wild just for fun, that's a problem.

00;07;33;11 - 00;07;44;18

Sarah

Also, I think zoos help prevent extinction. There was some panda sanctuary that helped grow the panda population back to like get them out of danger of extinction.

00;07;44;23 - 00;07;49;06

Hadley

I think there's a lot of good that they can do and a lot of good education they can do as well.

00;07;49;23 - 00;08;05;22

Sarah

Yeah. Okay. So when his coworker Alexa shows up…sorry, every time I say her name, I'm going to have to pause because as I was watching the movie, my Alexa devices would respond every time her name was said.

00;08;05;23 - 00;08;06;15

Hadley

Oh, no.

00;08;07;02 - 00;08;25;01

Sarah

And I have one sitting on my desk that is reacting every time I say her name now. Hmm I guess I could just unplug it. Okay, so Jocko throwing up on her was not funny at all to me. 

Hadley

Same.

Sarah

I understand that it was supposed to be funny, but it was not.

00;08;25;06 - 00;08;26;13

Hadley

It was not at all.

00;08;26;13 - 00;08;32;28

Sarah

It was super gross. I'd be overwhelmed with how disgusting it was. If I was her, I would cry.

00;08;33;11 - 00;08;37;02

Hadley

I would be horrified. 

00;08;37;19 - 00;08;41;06

Sarah

Next, Henry is on his boat. His boat malfunctions.

00;08;41;15 - 00;08;50;11

Hadley

Yeah. His sail breaks and almost hits him. And it breaks his wheel off. And so he has to take his little dinghy onto shore to go get help.

00;08;50;13 - 00;08;56;21

Sarah

I mean, that sucks about your boat, but kind of feels like karma since you've been so shitty to everyone.

00;08;57;09 - 00;08;57;22

Hadley

Yeah.

00;08;58;04 - 00;09;08;18

Sarah

He walks into the diner, and I think it's a Bob Marley song that's playing, but this is another movie where I want to recommend the whole soundtrack because it's so good.

00;09;08;24 - 00;09;11;07

Hadley

It is. I love the soundtrack from this one.

00;09;11;11 - 00;09;33;29

Sarah

Me too. I'm pretty sure this movie is where I was introduced to the song, Somewhere Over the Rainbow by IZ. I don't know how to say his full name, but that's apparently his nickname. Okay, so he sits down at the counter and he tells Sue that he already had breakfast today, but when she asks what he had, he says he had a Reese's and Gatorade.

00;09;34;08 - 00;09;36;25

Sarah

Who thinks that that is a breakfast?

00;09;37;19 - 00;09;39;27

Hadley

I think a lot of men think that's a breakfast.

00;09;42;24 - 00;09;48;20

Sarah

How are men alive? I don't know. She says she'll bring him some spam.

00;09;49;01 - 00;09;50;21

Hadley

Yeah, spam and eggs.

00;09;51;00 - 00;09;53;17

Sarah

So I've never eaten spam. Have you?

00;09;53;17 - 00;10;03;08

Hadley

No, but I have seen a lot of videos of people making spam like fried spam dishes, and I never thought I'd want to eat spam before. But it made me very curious about it.

00;10;03;08 - 00;10;09;09

Sarah

I don't actually know that I've ever seen a piece of spam, but yeah, I'm interested to try spam.

00;10;09;14 - 00;10;15;10

Hadley

I'm interested to try it too. I haven't tried a lot of processed meats in my life, though, like I have never had baloney.

00;10;15;10 - 00;10;23;24

Sarah

Baloney lunchables were a staple of my diet growing up. So actually I’d probably like spam since I love baloney.

00;10;24;14 - 00;10;30;00

Hadley

I've never had either, so I don't know how they compare, but I am curious to try both.

00;10;30;02 - 00;10;31;29

Sarah

Okay, so he notices Lucy.

00;10;32;02 - 00;10;35;04

Hadley

And she's making a little volcano out of her waffle.

00;10;35;05 - 00;10;41;18

Sarah

I liked that the other guy who's sitting at the counter asks Henry “are you staring at me or her? Because you’re starting to freak me out.”

00;10;42;01 - 00;10;51;28

Hadley

Yeah, I like that guy. He pops up a lot. Next, I have Henry talking to Alexa about why he is the way he is about dating.

00;10;52;05 - 00;11;19;03

Sarah

So Alexa offers to have sex with Henry, and he says, “I don't know if you realize, but I'm not into guys.” First of all, the beginning of the movie implied that he slept with Kevin James, so he clearly is into guys. Society has placed this fear on us about being perceived as homosexual. Society brainwashes us into thinking that heterosexuality is the norm.

00;11;19;03 - 00;11;53;23

Sarah

And you’re weird or different if you don't fit into that category, and that's just not true at all. It's totally natural to be gay also. Heterosexuality is not the only right answer. So this woman is offering Henry exactly what he wants: a no strings attached, casual sexual encounter. Like if you take away all the brainwashing that our society does to us and you think about it purely logically, why does it matter if that person is a man or a woman?

00;11;53;29 - 00;11;59;28

Hadley

Yeah, I think heterosexuality is pushed on our society as a whole in a very problematic way.

00;11;59;29 - 00;12;22;06

Sarah

It took me a long time to come to terms with my bisexuality because I thought I had to be straight or gay. I didn't know that there was an option for me to just like anyone and everyone, regardless of their gender. And I will die on this hill. But I think a much larger portion of the human population is bisexual.

00;12;22;18 - 00;12;44;28

Sarah

But because society tells us that we have to fit into these heterosexual boxes, a lot of people ignore the idea that they could maybe like more than one gender. And I think that a lot more people would have that same realization if they didn't care so much about, like, fitting into societal norms.

00;12;45;06 - 00;12;51;25

Hadley

I think a lot more people, like you said, are more bisexual than they have come to terms with.

00;12;52;10 - 00;12;56;27

Sarah

So Henry goes back to the restaurant. This time he talks to Lucy.

00;12;57;05 - 00;13;09;18

Hadley

Yes. So Henry goes back and this time instead of sitting at the bar, he sits at the booth right across so he's facing her and watches her build her waffle house and then comes over and tries to show her how to put a door on it.

00;13;09;29 - 00;13;18;17

Sarah

Yeah. So he sticks his hands in her food. And she handled this a lot more calmly than I would have.

00;13;18;18 - 00;13;28;02

Hadley

Yeah, she reacts really well. So I really like Drew Barrymore, but I think her character Lucy is just adorable. And I love how it comes out right away, how close she is with her family.

00;13;28;10 - 00;13;35;16

Sarah

Yeah, I think it's a lot easier to be close with your family when your family cares that you a lot like they do about Lucy.

00;13;35;17 - 00;13;36;20

Hadley

Yes, I agree.

00;13;36;26 - 00;13;45;10

Sarah

I do think it's cute when they're sitting at the table and he makes her laugh and he says, “I like your laugh.” And she says, “I like you making me laugh.” That was adorable.

00;13;45;17 - 00;14;01;21

Hadley

It really was. I don't like a lot of Adam Sandler's humor in general, and I didn't always appreciate it in this movie, but I always appreciated that she appreciated it because really the humor in a relationship was for the people in it, not for everyone else.

00;14;01;27 - 00;14;07;28

Sarah

Yeah, that's true. And it's important to find a significant other that can match your humor.

00;14;08;02 - 00;14;18;28

Hadley

Finding someone that can make you laugh and keep you laughing is a pretty wonderful thing. At least for me, personalities that I find attractive help make the person attractive to me.

00;14;18;29 - 00;14;43;02

Sarah

Yeah, same. Personality makes a huge difference on whether someone is physically attractive to me. Like, I can think that someone's hot when I first meet them, like objectively good looking or something. But if they're an asshole, I am quickly disinterested. It doesn't matter what they look like on the outside; if their personality sucks, it makes their outside unappealing to me.

00;14;43;08 - 00;14;44;01

Hadley

Yeah.

00;14;44;01 - 00;14;47;23

Sarah

Like the personality affects how I picture that person.

00;14;48;01 - 00;14;48;13

Hadley

Same.

00;14;48;26 - 00;14;53;24

Sarah

I thought it was very cute that Lucy invited Henry to have breakfast again with her tomorrow.

00;14;54;04 - 00;15;00;26

Hadley

I did too. And I loved how they both danced about how happy they were meeting each other. 

00;15;01;05 - 00;15;03;09

Sarah

Yeah and then caught each other dancing.

00;15;04;02 - 00;15;06;23

Hadley

It was cool to see them both uninhibited and happy.

00;15;06;24 - 00;15;19;10

Sarah

Yes, as much as I don't like Adam Sandler, I am happy to see that Lucy is excited about him. And it's not just him pursuing her unabashedly like she is also interested in him.

00;15;19;16 - 00;15;40;11

Hadley

Yes, she is. That leads us to the golf scene. And in that he gets knocked in the head and has the dream about Lucy showing up. From that point on, he seems to change directions and realize that he wants to change. And I think in a romcom, it's really unusual for a person to go through an emotional change so early.

00;15;40;24 - 00;16;09;21

Sarah

Henry is such a classic avoidant attachment type like for this first part of the movie. And I think if I had more backstory about him, I'd be more understanding towards his actions and opinions but it's frustrating to see it from an outsider's perspective and clearly see what mistakes he's making and see a solution of how he can be like a better partner for people, but only he can decide to make that change.

00;16;09;28 - 00;16;10;06

Sarah

You know?

00;16;10;10 - 00;16;21;22

Hadley

You mean more backstory than him telling us that he is the way he is because his college girlfriend cheated on him and left him for her teacher. I think it was, or advisor.

00;16;22;04 - 00;16;50;05

Sarah

I missed that story, so that helps me a little bit. I was thinking more like his childhood because your attachment to it develops in childhood. So, yes, his college girlfriend definitely had an effect on him, and probably it made him more avoidant, but it did probably originally stem from his parents. So I'd be interested to see what his family dynamic was that made him be this attachment type.

00;16;50;12 - 00;17;10;28

Sarah

We get to see Lucy’s family dynamic, so it makes a lot of sense why she has such a secure attachment type, because her family is so supportive of her and obviously cares about her and wants to do whatever they can to help her and take care of her. So it makes sense that she's got a more stable foundation. I'm just curious what his childhood looked like.

00;17;10;29 - 00;17;12;29

Hadley

Yeah, that would be really interesting to see.

00;17;13;08 - 00;17;17;03

Sarah

Next is the scene where Henry is at a bar with a tourist woman.

00;17;17;03 - 00;17;18;02

Hadley

Yes.

00;17;18;03 - 00;17;28;26

Sarah

Did she eat a flower? There was like one clip of her holding it up to her mouth and like going to take a bite. And then it cut to a different clip and she didn't have the flower in her hand anymore.

00;17;29;01 - 00;17;30;07

Hadley

I think she might have.

00;17;30;09 - 00;17;51;25

Sarah

I mean, I'm glad that he was finally honest with himself and this woman instead of taking advantage of her. But it was like really gross that he admitted that he brings women there to make them think they're getting drunk so that they'll lower their inhibitions, but they're not actually getting drunk so they can consent to having sex with him.

00;17;52;09 - 00;17;53;08

Sarah

It's pretty fucked up.

00;17;53;25 - 00;18;04;07

Hadley

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this situation. This is a really, really bad situation. Don't do this to people. Didn't get them drunk though, so that's a good thing? Maybe?

00;18;04;20 - 00;18;07;02

Sarah

Yeah. Makes it slightly less horrible.

00;18;08;00 - 00;18;15;19

Hadley

This woman specifically seemed to like the idea that she could pretend that she was drunk and do something she might not normally do. 

00;18;15;20 - 00;18;37;09

Sarah

Yeah. After he admits that, she says, “Can I pretend you didn't say all that and we still have sex?” That is part of what influenced my rant earlier about him lying to women and deceiving them because he could clearly still get laid by being honest. There's literally no reason for him to lie if he can still get laid by being honest.

00;18;37;25 - 00;18;50;04

Hadley

There is. But he might not have known it until this moment. I'm not saying he should do the things he's done, but I do think he might not have known that he could be honest and get what he wanted, which probably dates back to childhood stuff that we have no idea about.

00;18;50;12 - 00;18;56;02

Sarah

Yeah, I really don't like that they make another joke about Alexa’s gender.

00;18;56;11 - 00;19;02;18

Hadley

Oh, yes. Henry is like, Oh, I'm not going to sleep with you, but maybe that person will.

00;19;02;18 - 00;19;09;10

Sarah

Yeah, I really don't like that they keep making jokes about Alexa’s gender. It's just stupid. Like, it's not even a clever joke.

00;19;09;15 - 00;19;10;29

Hadley

It's not. It's not at all.

00;19;11;08 - 00;19;20;28

Sarah

I think it is interesting when men say that women aren't funny or we don't know how to take a joke because we don't laugh at dumb jokes like this.

00;19;20;28 - 00;19;25;10

Hadley

We don't laugh when they're making fun of you for being who you are.

00;19;25;16 - 00;19;31;03

Sarah

Yeah. Okay. So then he goes back to the restaurant or the diner.

00;19;31;10 - 00;19;35;13

Hadley

He goes back to the diner and he tries to talk to Lucy.

00;19;35;13 - 00;19;51;15

Sarah

But Sue cuts him off. I liked that Sue gave him an explanation of what happened to Lucy, and I really liked that Sue started that explanation by saying “Lucy is a very special person, just different from other people.”

00;19;51;24 - 00;19;57;17

Hadley

I did, too. I really like Sue and Nick, and I really like how they stand up for Lucy and protect Lucy.

00;19;57;20 - 00;20;20;03

Sarah

I like that they protect her at first from this playboy that they think he is. But then once they realize that he does have kind of good intentions and actually wants to get to know Lucy and isn't going to just treat her as a one night stand like he did with everyone else. It's sweet that they step back and allow that to happen instead of just like preventing her from living her life.

00;20;20;05 - 00;20;45;16

Hadley

It is. And I'm glad that for lack of a better term, they're the gatekeepers on Lucy as opposed to her dad and brother because her dad and brother seem more protective in a way that they wouldn't ever even let that start to happen. Whereas Henry talking to Lucy in this controlled environment, with Sue and Nick watching over, it's a much safer environment, I think, for this kind of experiment to happen.

Sarah

Yeah.

00;20;45;22 - 00;20;57;13

Hadley

So Lucy goes back home from having just met Henry, and we get to see a bit of what her life is like with her dad and brother recreating each day for her.

00;20;57;22 - 00;21;15;03

Sarah

Yes. It makes me cry how much all these people in Lucy's life care about her. Her dad repainting his workshop every night and putting out a special newspaper and everyone trying to protect her from having this, like, jarring realization every day is so sweet.

00;21;15;06 - 00;21;30;14

Hadley

It really is. They have put their life on hold to make sure that she can have a comfortable existence. And I think that's really important to recognize and see that her family and people around her just love and care about her so much.

00;21;30;15 - 00;21;39;23

Sarah

Yeah. And I love that no one sees her as a burden. No one is upset that they have to, like, put in all this extra effort to help her.

00;21;39;24 - 00;21;59;09

Hadley

Yeah, I really like that, too. Like when she gives her dad The Sixth Sense for his birthday present, you can tell that they really don't want to watch the movie again. When Lucy jumps and is surprised and her dad smiles at it. It's so wonderful because even though he's reliving everything, he's just enjoying seeing his daughter experience things again for the first time.

00;21;59;15 - 00;22;09;18

Sarah

Yeah, I like that everyone cares more about Lucy being happy and enjoying her life than how it's affecting theirs.

00;22;09;26 - 00;22;11;03

Hadley

Yes, I do too.

00;22;11;04 - 00;22;30;17

Sarah

Like, whatever little changes they have to make to their own lives is really minimal compared to all the changes that Lucy has to go through now. I do feel kind of bad that her dad and Doug have to watch the same Vikings game every day and also have to watch The Sixth Sense every day.

00;22;30;24 - 00;22;43;15

Hadley

Yeah. Next, Henry and Ula are talking on Henry's boat while he tries to fix it up some more. So what I said earlier about Henry gaining a conscience happens a lot more in this scene, which I did appreciate.

00;22;43;19 - 00;22;56;08

Sarah

I've got a slightly different take. I thought it was kind of problematic that he draws the line at taking advantage of women if they have brain damage.

00;22;56;25 - 00;23;03;21

Hadley

He's getting his perfect situation out of this, but he's not acting on it, which I thought was good.

00;23;03;27 - 00;23;24;18

Sarah

Yeah, I agree that it's good that he's not acting on it, but I think how he explains it is not the best because brain damage should not be the deciding factor of whether or not you'll treat someone with respect and consider their feelings and how you interacting with them is going to affect them.

00;23;24;25 - 00;23;45;02

Hadley

It shouldn't. I also think he might have just said that to kind of get Ula off his back because he had this amazing time with her, did his little happy dance. He's had fantasies about her returning to his life already. It seems like he actually got to know this girl and likes her, and to me, that's why he's not doing it. 

00;23;45;02 - 00;23;51;09

Hadley

I think he just kind of says the brain damage because he doesn't want to tell Ula, Hey, I like this girl a lot. Not going to do that to her.

00;23;51;15 - 00;24;06;16

Sarah

I guess I could see where you're coming from if you think that he has already gone through this huge change. But I don't think it's that easy for people to change that quickly, so I feel like he's still in this previous mindset that he's had about women.

00;24;06;23 - 00;24;26;00

Hadley

I think he's in the process of changing. He's had an opportunity to do what he normally does to women and has turned that down now since he's gotten to know Lucy. So that makes me think that maybe he does like her and doesn't want to just do his normal thing to her. Cuz he didn’t make any moves to try to sleep with her at any point.

00;24;26;07 - 00;24;29;27

Hadley

And that seems to be what he did with all his other women. 

00;24;30;14 - 00;24;33;14

Sarah

That's true. So it goes back to the restaurant?

00;24;33;21 - 00;24;37;03

Hadley

Yeah, there are at least three days of him going to the restaurant.

00;24;37;16 - 00;24;53;26

Sarah

And he makes a bet with Nick about whether or not he'll be able to get her to have breakfast with him again. I don't think you should be placing bets on anything about women. So next is the montage of him trying to woo her every day.

00;24;53;26 - 00;25;01;07

Hadley

This time when he tries to come help her put a door on her waffle house, she calls him out: a stranger putting fingers in her food.

00;25;01;07 - 00;25;04;02

Sarah

Yeah, I would also have that reaction.

00;25;04;13 - 00;25;06;06

Hadley

I love how strong she is.

00;25;06;14 - 00;25;17;01

Sarah

I like that she is very sweet and kind and gentle, but she is able to stand up for herself also. She doesn't just let this strange man come and stick his fingers in her food.

00;25;17;17 - 00;25;21;25

Hadley

Yeah. And the next day she blows him off by speaking a different language.

00;25;22;08 - 00;25;30;01

Sarah

Yes. I love it that she pretends to not speak English. Henry is crying at the counter one of the days.

00;25;30;08 - 00;25;35;17

Hadley

Yes. This is a super classic Adam Sandler comedy that I do not enjoy the situation.

00;25;35;17 - 00;25;58;13

Sarah

Same. I like that she turns to that Asian man again and she's like, “I wonder what's the matter with him?” when he is, like, crying at the counter and the guy responds, “looks like a stupid idiot to me.” I was like, bro, we are on the same page. I love that she called him out for that and didn't fall for his bullshit.

00;25;58;21 - 00;26;20;06

Sarah

Okay, so another montage scene is when they're jump-starting his car and he pranks her by pretending to be electrocuted and she pranks him back by saying her grandpa died that way. I do think that their humor pairs well together. They seem to be on the same page, humor-wise.

00;26;20;21 - 00;26;25;17

Hadley

Yeah, I think they're really cute for each other. And I love that she beats Ula up.

00;26;25;28 - 00;26;29;24

Sarah

Yes. I love when she shows up with the baseball bat.

00;26;29;24 - 00;26;40;06

Hadley

How do we feel about Henry using his knowledge that he's gained of her from previous interactions to develop a relationship with her when she does not remember sharing that information with him?

00;26;40;12 - 00;27;05;10

Sarah

I hadn't really thought about that. When you pose it like that, it's kind of problematic. Definitely. I can see the argument of how messed up that is, but later in the movie, she does give him extra info and she's like, “Tomorrow, I don't want you to strike out, so talk to me about lilies.” So she is obviously interested in him too.

00;27;05;10 - 00;27;18;14

Sarah

If she wasn't losing her memories every day, they'd be dating. So I don't think that him like using their interactions together and all the information that he has learned about her, like he would know that.

00;27;18;14 - 00;27;22;29

Hadley

And he has gotten all the information from her which is important.

00;27;23;07 - 00;27;36;13

Sarah

Once she knows what's going on, she wants him to continue doing it. Like she's not like, leave me alone. She appreciates the effort he's putting in. She likes that he tries to woo her every day.

00;27;36;21 - 00;27;42;04

Hadley

Right. Again, it's all about the people in the relationship and how they feel about it.

00;27;42;10 - 00;27;50;05

Sarah

Yeah. It doesn't really matter how it appears to us if everyone involved in the relationship is happy with it.

00;27;50;05 - 00;28;14;07

Hadley

Yeah, that is absolutely, I think, a running theme throughout this whole movie. So Henry has tied himself up and it's not Lucy that comes. It's her dad and her brother that show up. But I love that Lucy's dad is sharing Lucy's joy with Henry, showing the effect that Henry has on Lucy's life. Again, I think it's her family just loving her so much that they see that she's happy.

00;28;14;08 - 00;28;18;20

Hadley

So they're like, Okay, we want this thing to happen for this person that we love.

00;28;19;04 - 00;28;45;13

Sarah

Yeah. When Lucy's dad shows Henry Lucy singing Wouldn't It Be Nice in the garage while she’s painting, and says “she only sings on days she meets you.” It's so cute. And I think it's totally valid for her dad to ask Henry, “what do you get out of this? What's in it for you?” Because it is pretty sus and he’s like, in the past, just been a womanizer.

00;28;45;13 - 00;29;06;15

Sarah

So this would be like…his ideal relationship would be to have a one night stand with her, and then she'd forget all about him and he can move on with his life. So I think it makes a lot of sense for her family to be trying to protect her from getting hurt by this guy and like sussing out his intentions.

00;29;06;18 - 00;29;28;05

Hadley

Yes, I agree. I think it's really good that they're having this conversation and I think it's really good that Henry is so honest when he talks to Lucy's family. I think he's realized he needs to be honest about quite a few things, especially where Lucy's involved. He needs to be honest. I appreciate that he's growing. Um they’re at the restaurant again.

00;29;28;15 - 00;29;34;02

Hadley

Henry and Lucy seem to be hitting it off this time, but then Lucy gets a ticket.

00;29;34;14 - 00;30;05;14

Sarah

The scene was really hard to watch. Drew Barrymore plays it so well. Just imagining going about your life, thinking it's a normal day, doing all your normal routines, and then you find out today is actually years later than when you thought it was; that’d be so disorienting. Like she's having a totally appropriate reaction like, I understand that her family thinks they're doing the right thing by having her live the same day over and over again.

00;30;05;20 - 00;30;17;20

Sarah

But I'm really happy that Henry came into her life and that she’ll actually be able to live a real life instead of just being in this loop of living the same day over and over again.

00;30;18;03 - 00;30;29;04

Hadley

He says it's not that she's realizing that she has this problem. It's realizing that everything that she's living is made up.

00;30;29;18 - 00;30;31;06

Sarah

Yeah. We go to the doctor.

00;30;31;12 - 00;30;32;20

Hadley

Yes, we go to the doctor.

00;30;32;20 - 00;30;33;28

Sarah

I don't have any notes about that.

00;30;33;28 - 00;30;36;06

Hadley

I don't either. I just have that they're going to the doctor.

00;30;37;13 - 00;30;45;07

Sarah

Okay. So after the doctor, I really love that she tells Henry to talk to her about lilies so he doesn't strike out tomorrow.

00;30;45;11 - 00;30;51;14

Hadley

I do, too. The next day, Henry shows up at her house with lilies and a videotape.

00;30;51;14 - 00;31;06;22

Sarah

I really appreciate that he wants to help her get through this realization every day so she can live a full life. Instead of being stuck in this loop. I loved his quote when he said “I just wanted to try something different. If it doesn't work, we've only wasted one day.”

00;31;07;15 - 00;31;18;15

Hadley

I liked that a lot, too, and I like that she reacts well to the videotape. Now they're on the beach with a lot of Lucy's friends.

00;31;18;25 - 00;31;41;14

Sarah

I totally forgot that Maya Rudolph was in this movie. I really liked that her character was, like, shitting on her husband for not doing enough because it is very romantic that Henry has to try every day to get Lucy to fall in love with him. And I think that a lot of people get complacent in relationships.

00;31;41;26 - 00;31;43;05

Hadley

Yes, I do, too.

00;31;43;15 - 00;31;50;16

Sarah

Okay, so later, when she…when Lucy is recording extra footage to add to the video.

00;31;50;16 - 00;31;52;20

Hadley

Yeah, I thought that was so cute.

00;31;53;00 - 00;32;08;10

Sarah

It was very cute that their first I Love You was on camera, so they have that memory recorded. So that she’ll actually be able to remember it and see it. So then there's a montage of all their first kisses.

00;32;08;11 - 00;32;13;20

Hadley

Yeah, I liked that. And then we end up with them at the aquarium for another first kiss.

00;32;13;24 - 00;32;29;26

Sarah

Mhm. So at this point in the movie, I was about to write down a note about how the movie is, like, melting my ice cold heart and that I was warming up to Henry Roth, and then he had to bring up his blue balls I was like, Oh, never mind.

00;32;30;19 - 00;32;54;25

Hadley

I totally missed that. I didn't like how he went in for a feel without discussing it with her, because I'm like, you know she doesn't know that you've kissed before. But I did appreciate when they were talking to the walrus, when he was instructing the walrus to do things, and the walrus didn't always listen right away. I did appreciate that she vocalized, “well, I'm glad he said that because that's what I wanted to.”

00;32;55;01 - 00;33;02;08

Sarah

Yeah, I'm glad that she wanted that also. And it wasn't just him wanting that to happen.

00;33;02;10 - 00;33;12;08

Hadley

Yeah. It felt like despite his little speech earlier, that he was not pressuring her into…in this moment, he was not pressuring her into anything.

00;33;12;19 - 00;33;32;05

Sarah

Yes. The beginning of their conversation felt like he was pressuring her and like, it is possible to bring up the fact that you're interested in having sex with her, preferably sooner rather than later, without making her feel guilty about your stupid blue balls.

00;33;32;13 - 00;33;41;24

Hadley

Yeah. There's a way to talk about what your expectations are in a relationship and where you are at without making someone feel pressured to do anything.

00;33;42;14 - 00;33;47;21

Sarah

If you have to convince someone to sleep with you, you probably shouldn't sleep with them.

00;33;47;29 - 00;33;56;10

Hadley

To me, it felt like by the time they actually slept together, the pressure was off. Next, I have him singing his cute little song.

00;33;56;14 - 00;34;38;02

Sarah

Forgetful Lucy. That was very cute. This is the only scene where I will sympathize with Adam Sandler. I do feel kind of bad for him because they have had this amazing day together that he'll remember. But he'll never be able to reminisce about it with her because she won't be able to remember it. So I want to just like, give him props for realizing, like, what a commitment he is having to make to be in this relationship with her and how much extra effort and like understanding and care it's going to take for him to be with her.

00;34;38;07 - 00;34;44;25

Sarah

And I think it's really sweet that he thinks a relationship with her is worth all that extra work.

00;34;45;02 - 00;34;45;21

Hadley

I do, too.

00;34;46;00 - 00;34;49;09

Sarah

So they go to sleep together at her house.

00;34;49;18 - 00;34;51;28

Hadley

I don't know why he thinks that's a good idea.

00;34;52;12 - 00;34;56;12

Sarah

But yeah, it's hilarious when they wake up together and she freaks out.

00;34;57;08 - 00;35;07;03

Hadley

Yeah. And when he's like, “I know you build houses out of waffles and I know you love lilies and all this” and she, instead of being like, oh yeah, you know me, she's like, “stalker!”

00;35;07;11 - 00;35;30;15

Sarah

Yeah. So then, the doctor, Henry, and Doug are all talking about Henry's plans to go to Alaska and Lucy overhears. And my next note is when she comes out to talk to him at the aquarium, and she says, “I was so nervous to come meet the guy who makes me fall in love with him every day.” I thought that was cute.

00;35;30;26 - 00;35;31;25

Hadley

Yeah, I did, too.

00;35;31;25 - 00;35;55;26

Sarah

I'm feeling bad for Henry again, because I think it's really amazing that he…despite his avoidant tendencies, he put himself out there and was actually trying to build a relationship with this person. And now she's dumping him because she doesn't want to take away the life he previously had planned out. But love makes plans change.

00;35;56;26 - 00;36;03;25

Hadley

It really does, because sometimes you have something that is very important to you. But then something else comes into your life...

00;36;04;03 - 00;36;06;01

Sarah

And becomes more important.

00;36;06;20 - 00;36;09;13

Hadley

And it's by choice. It's not feeling obligation.

00;36;09;16 - 00;36;34;26

Sarah

Yeah. I have personal experience with this, so that's probably why I'm sympathizing with Henry in this scene. But just because he had this plan for his life before he met Lucy doesn't mean that he still wants that life. He's in love with her and wants a life with her. So he's wanting a different life plan now that includes her. 

00;36;35;08 - 00;36;48;23

Sarah

So I don't think it's good for Lucy to decide for him that this isn't what he really wants. Like, she breaks up with him “for his sake,” but it's not what he wants.

00;36;48;23 - 00;36;49;23

Hadley

Yeah, I agree.

00;36;50;00 - 00;37;02;03

Sarah

I am glad that he respects her decision, though. This is real love, in my opinion. Love is wanting someone to be happy, even if it's not with you.

00;37;02;06 - 00;37;11;03

Hadley

Yeah, it is. I did like finding out that she wrote in her journal every night so that she would have her own recollections of what had happened.

00;37;11;11 - 00;37;18;03

Sarah

Yeah, I really like that because hearing it from yourself is totally different from hearing it from someone else.

00;37;18;11 - 00;37;23;13

Hadley

It is, and I appreciate too that after they break up, he seems to respect the decision.

00;37;23;17 - 00;37;30;10

Sarah

I think he respects her decision, but maybe doesn't have whatever closure he needs. I think he just misses her.

00;37;30;20 - 00;37;43;10

Hadley

I think so too. Even when he sees her at the aquarium later, he just kind of looks at her. He doesn't make an effort to be like, Hey, we were in love, let me tell you about it. He's just like Okay, so she is living your life.

00;37;43;23 - 00;37;51;16

Sarah

He respects her decision to forget about him, even though he doesn't agree with it. I was surprisingly impressed by him.

00;37;52;03 - 00;38;00;25

Hadley

Yeah, I think besides his beginnings of this movie, I think Henry plays a very decent guy.

00;38;01;09 - 00;38;08;00

Sarah

If I had only seen his relationship with Lucy, I'd think he was a decent person.

00;38;08;09 - 00;38;14;11

Hadley

Yeah, that's why I said, despite the beginning part. What he evolves into, I think is a pretty decent person.

00;38;15;02 - 00;38;15;21

Sarah

I agree.

00;38;16;05 - 00;38;17;27

Hadley

And we all have to have room to change.

00;38;17;27 - 00;38;19;03

Sarah

Yes.

00;38;19;14 - 00;38;24;28

Hadley

And evolve. Okay, so next I have Henry packing up his boat to go on his adventure.

00;38;24;29 - 00;38;28;10

Sarah

I thought it was so sweet of her dad and brother to come see him off.

00;38;28;10 - 00;38;33;19

Hadley

I did too. And I loved that Sue and Nick sent him a box as well.

00;38;33;21 - 00;38;37;11

Sarah

Yeah, spam and peanut butter cups.

00;38;37;11 - 00;38;53;24

Hadley

But I thought it was so sweet because when you break up with someone, you're not just losing that person. You're losing everyone that comes with that person, and a lot of times you're losing the family that you can gain. It's nice that the dad and brother still want to have a connection with Henry.

00;38;53;29 - 00;39;15;01

Sarah

Yeah. When Lucy's dad came to see Henry off, he brought him a Beach Boys CD that he then sings on the boat while he's crying after he takes off. Until he realizes that Lucy subconsciously remembers him because her dad said she's been singing this song again.

00;39;15;06 - 00;39;17;17

Hadley

And then he turns that boat around.

00;39;18;10 - 00;39;24;14

Sarah

Yeah, I like when he shows up at the institute, and the workers think he just has brain damage.

00;39;24;23 - 00;39;40;29

Hadley

I do, too, and they can't remember the name. And he's like, Oh, that's okay. Just go on. And that's totally fine. Like, what a great place to not be able to think on your feet. She seems to be living a very good life at this institute, though. I'm really happy for her.

00;39;41;08 - 00;40;09;24

Sarah

Henry shows up and asks her if she knows who she is, and she says no. And he's like, oh, well shit. And she's like, Can I show you something? And they walk into her studio, which is covered in paintings of him. I really, really loved his line when he said, “You erased me from your memories and broke up with me because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life.”

00;40;09;25 - 00;40;18;21

Sarah

“But you made a mistake, because being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams, and apparently I'm the man of yours.”

00;40;18;27 - 00;40;20;06

Hadley

Oh, I love that.

00;40;20;12 - 00;40;25;15

Sarah

That made me squeal. I love how cheesy this movie is sometimes.

00;40;25;26 - 00;40;34;11

Hadley

Me too. And they built a relationship in a way that a lot of people in romcoms don't build. They have a lot of layers to what they have built together.

00;40;34;12 - 00;40;44;17

Sarah

When I was reading the articles about critiques of this film, one of the critiques was that Drew Barrymore is wearing a kimono in this scene.

00;40;44;23 - 00;40;59;06

Hadley

It's just another thing that now we have moved forward from that was accepted then, but now is realized more widely that this is not okay. One quick thing, I thought it was really interesting that she remembers her dreams.

00;40;59;12 - 00;41;00;13

Sarah

Oh, yeah.

00;41;00;18 - 00;41;03;00

Hadley

I have lots of questions for a neurologist.

00;41;03;10 - 00;41;10;23

Sarah

The brain injury that they talk about in this movie is totally made up and they made it up for this movie.

00;41;11;06 - 00;41;12;28

Hadley

I think it's smart that they made something up.

00;41;13;04 - 00;41;23;07

Sarah

I do too, but I'm confused about that because like there are other real life stories of similar situations.

00;41;23;25 - 00;41;42;01

Hadley

There are, but probably for the movie to not potentially get anything inaccurate or depict someone with a problem in the wrong way, it's a lot safer to invent something or they wanted to move it as a plot point in a certain way. And real ones don't have the traits that they wanted for that.

00;41;42;08 - 00;42;08;10

Sarah

Okay. So the final scene. This scene…I just love it so much. It makes me cry every time. It doesn't matter how many times I see this movie. But this scene is just perfection to me. Because one of my favorite songs is playing, Somewhere Over the Rainbow starts playing and Lucy wakes up and watches a video titled Good Morning Lucy.

00;42;08;10 - 00;42;34;24

Sarah

I'm really glad it includes clips from their wedding. 

Hadley

Me too.

Sarah

Henry ends the video by saying “it's very cold outside, so bundle up and when you're ready, come have breakfast with me.” I just really love that he had this video idea. It's so smart. I also love that she now has her journal that she can refer to so that she's like, keeping herself updated on her life.

00;42;35;05 - 00;42;35;16

Hadley

Yes.

00;42;35;23 - 00;42;45;18

Sarah

But anyway, she walks outside and sees that they are in Alaska and she meets her daughter and her dad is there, too.

00;42;45;20 - 00;42;46;07

Hadley

Yeah.

00;42;46;07 - 00;43;05;26

Sarah

I think it's really sweet to see the overwhelming happiness and love that she feels because she now gets to have this full life where she gets to have new experiences and do exciting things instead of just living the same day over again.

00;43;06;02 - 00;43;23;21

Hadley

Yeah, I'm really glad that they've made an environment for her that she feels comfortable watching a video, getting updated on what's happened and then living her life and getting to move forward. Because before she did talk about children and that she just couldn't imagine how that would even work, but they make it work.

00;43;23;21 - 00;43;36;22

Sarah

So one of the critiques that I saw was that it would be really jarring to wake up in this life that you didn't have control over or something.

00;43;37;03 - 00;43;38;13

Hadley

I saw that critique, too.

00;43;38;18 - 00;43;56;10

Sarah

Yeah. And I did not understand it because like, sure, she doesn't remember everything that has happened, but in the moment, she's consenting to all these changes to her life. Like, I don't think that anyone in her life is making decisions for her.

00;43;56;25 - 00;44;18;09

Hadley

Right. I think all of these choices are her own. She's got a system that tells her what happens. And it's not only someone else telling her what has happened. She's a part of explaining to herself where she is in life now. And all of these things are things that she's vocalized that she wanted. It does not feel like she did anything without her own consent.

00;44;18;20 - 00;44;37;01

Sarah

Yeah. Yes, she has brain damage, but she still has autonomy and she can still make decisions about her life. I didn't understand that critique because like, she is making these choices for her life, even if she doesn't remember making those choices.

00;44;37;02 - 00;44;56;15

Hadley

Right. I didn't understand it either. I read it before I finished the movie. And when I finished the movie, I was like, What are they talking about? She has agreed to every choice in this movie, and she is a part of explaining to herself every day what's happened. She's a very active participant in her life. Yeah, she runs her life. All the people around her support her.

00;44;56;20 - 00;44;58;28

Hadley

Yeah. But she makes her decisions.

00;44;59;06 - 00;45;11;01

Sarah

Yeah. Everyone in her life cares about her happiness and prioritizes her happiness, to be honest. So yeah, I don't understand that critique.

00;45;11;24 - 00;45;12;16

Hadley

Me neither.

00;45;12;24 - 00;45;41;28

Sarah

I guess that's all my notes from the movie itself. While I get caught up in the romance of this movie and the idea that loving someone means making sure they know that every single day. I don't like being misogynistic, transphobic, and homophobic jokes that are made throughout the movie and Henry's beginning persona is completely problematic also.

00;45;42;19 - 00;45;48;18

Hadley

Yeah, I'm not a fan of the demeaning humor that's in this.

00;45;49;06 - 00;45;49;22

Sarah

Yeah same.

00;45;49;24 - 00;46;17;05

Hadley

Taking all that as a very serious note and then looking to the rest of the movie, I do think that Adam Sandler, as Henry, has a really great growth, and I think that Lucy and Henry have a really solid relationship that they've built. There's a lot of understanding and respect that comes out of it and respecting especially Lucy's wishes about things, which I think is important.

00;46;17;12 - 00;46;24;05

Hadley

I don't like Henry's start as a character, but I like what he turns into, and I like that it happens earlier in the film.

00;46;25;18 - 00;46;57;01

Sarah

I agree with everything you said. I really like the character arc that we see and the growth from him and they have built a really solid foundation for their relationship, and I like that he's created this safe space for her to every day find out about what happened to her, but then keep moving on with her life like he's provided a safe environment for her to continue growing with him.

00;47;04;25 - 00;47;29;07

Sarah

Thanks for tuning in for a recap of 50 First Dates. A lot of this movie has not aged well, but the love story can still inspire us to make our partners fall in love with us every day. Join us next week when we'll be celebrating my birthday. See you next week, lovebugs! We love the music in this movie, but a lot of the songs are missing from the soundtrack, so we made a playlist.

00;47;29;19 - 00;47;38;12

Sarah

We also have a playlist of our song recommendations to pair with the rom-com of the week. Our song choice for this movie is First Date by Blink-182.

00;47;39;00 - 00;47;44;09

Hadley

Just like the song says, Henry probably wants the night to last forever so Lucy won't wake up and forget him.

00;47;44;22 - 00;48;04;28

Sarah

Follow the links in our shownotes to check out our 50 First Dates playlist and our playlist, Lovebug Club: Songs from the Podcast on Spotify. If you enjoyed this podcast, please consider leaving us a rating and review and head over to our Instagram @lovebugclubpod and follow us to see what we have planned for future episodes.